Writing here has becme odd... where as once when I kept a journal online, it was directed for some people to read... it really no longer is. Back in the day Istarted my old html one in order to impress/hit on a gal. I said I had a journal when she said she had one.. (where ever you are julia I hope life has treated you well... since your journal went under I've never known) then it was sarah who the journal was aimed at... then angela.... then back and forth for awhile...
on that note I side track.
I doubt you'll ever see this angela.. I was in a bad place when we last talked.. I'd imagine it was alot like me coming to the end of one of my grand old analogies... the road... The way I left our friendship was selfish and uncalled for... I can say that now... I never could then... I ws obsessed with you... I was uncontrollably so.. I had to go... obsessions are all consuming sometimes... I hope your cd went well... and I hope your happy... unlike julia.. I know where you are... but I don't think I'd ever bring myself to being able to call.
And to sarah... who knows what kind of a weird ass place I was going through and how much of a horror I was of a person... I'm glad we managed to become friends again... after all that crap... after we stopped talking.. after all of it..
I guess people really do change over periods of time... I know I should have already know that.. but it's hard to admit sometimes that you were the one who changed. I lost my direction once... beyond what I could have ever thoght possible... and I maganged to recover. I know what I have to do in the upcoming months... my direction is pretty clear... if someday my dad should ever see this... I tried it your way... now I'm doing it mine... I think... in my heart... me doing it my own way.. and succeeding is going to be the most important part.. even if you don't understand.
I guess I do have an audience.. people who will never read this...
afterall... why would I write it for people who would read it... they already know what's happeneing in my life.... I write this for the ghosts of my past... ( sarah.. you don't count.. you are my special circumstance.. I write this for the you from UMCP.. living in dorchester house... from whom I walked home muttering to the skys so many times not knowing what I was doing... and feeling indescribable feelings I'm not even sure what ment or were now..)
My how my life has changed from when I knew you all. I'll try to keep you a bit better informed..