October 14th, 2002


(no subject)


HellBuny: I haven't had real joy in my life since i
was around 4...... It's hard not to just give up
and say fuck everything and give up on ever
feeling it again..
Jaimen258: but then you'll be 20
HellBuny: which doesn't matter, and when I get
to 21, I can legally drink my sorrows away.
Jaimen258: or you can be older and wiser and
meet a girl who is totally amazing and fall in love
and get married
HellBuny: but... that doesn't help me now...
becaue for now... All I have is a big bag of shit
called my life.
Jaimen258: but if it doesn't kill you, it makes
you stronger

looking back... looking back... it's hard to do when I realize what an ass I am sometimes.... but I suppose this kind of thing keeps me on track and off the asshole route.

*continues reading logs and logs of his old chats... *

what a moron I am sometimes

(no subject)

HellBuny: I put things back right.
Jaimen258: that's what i've been trying to tell
HellBuny: You didn't do it very damn well.
HellBuny: or am I still playing a game...
HellBuny: can't tell can you
HellBuny: /
HellBuny: ?
Jaimen258: please stop
HellBuny: Sometimes you gotta be careful... I
do everything with a purpose...
Jaimen258: that's pathetic
HellBuny: Fare well... Now I really win.
Jaimen258: well, if everything is a game to
you....you really lose in the end
HellBuny: No... this was a game kiddo... but
what you think is my game is what sin't.... I win
because I did the 2 things I set out to do.... you
and ian are back together... and you hate me....

I'm still friends w/ Ian..

I can't appologize enough to him for that time....

I hope he knows that..

Where the hell was I? (mentally that is.. )