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On "Nice guys"...

So back in the day when I was a younger and much more annoying person, I had an article that ran in a women’s online magazine, don’t ask me which, it’s long defunct (yay dotcom bubble) anyways. In said article, I was a proponent of the nice guy who always finished last. I had all sorts of crazy ideals on what a good person would do to get a girl, what a nice guy was, and why girls didn’t like em. A lot of guys agreed with me, and so did a lot of girls. So yeah, I was full of bullshit, but still, there are some things I believe then that I still don’t think are wrong.

Lately I’ve been seeing a trend in people who have been linking to articles either like the whiney nice guy ones, or the heartless bitch ones, both taking an extreme view of the situation. Now let me say this right now, anyone of you who is looking at this as a black and white situation may be looking at it wrong. Just like a lot of things, this one needs a bit from both sides to get it right I think.

I think nice guys do exist, and that they don’t know it. I think the first step in determining if you are a nice guy or not is an honesty check. If you can say to yourself that you are the “Nice Guy” that all of those articles describe, then really, truly, your not. Because if you are going out there, looking for sympathy because of your plight as a nice guy then really, you are not a nice guy, you are a poser. This rant is dedicated to you, the poser, not the actual nice guys.

Don’t feel too bad, everyone poses from one time to another. It’s human nature to want to be something as ideal as what the “nice guy” is built up to be. But the problem lies in the fact that if you are trying to be the nice guy, you are already mucking it up. The nice guy that people used to talk about never had intentions of helping anyone by being a nice guy. The nice guy was just that, the nice guy. He didn’t try to be the nice guy, he just is.

The best advice that I can give you is just to be you. Don’t do this mask bullshit thing, or the whole front thing, because even if someone did start to like you for who you were like that, as soon as you start letting down your guard, you may be in for a shock when they leave you.

Back in the day, when you’d get ready for your date, you go and put your best on, maybe go ask pops for the keys to the nice car, and hopefully, you’d already have the cash that you worked for to pay for the date.(Pardon me on this point, but damnit, I still believe the guy should pay. It’s sexist, it’s one sided, but hey, that’s what I believe ^^). You would be you on your best behavior, but you would indeed be you. You would go on dates to get to know the person better, and you’d quickly find out if you were compatable with that other person. Were you locked into the “Cup-O-Noodle Instant Relatonship”? No. You could date different people and it wasn’t seen as cheating. If you were an ass, then hey, you might not get a lot of repeat dates. People didn’t always agree to go out with you, but ya know what, it was ok, because you weren’t in love with them. You could still be friends, but the line was clear, no and no, meant no. Wanna save yourself a lot of grief maybe the next time a girl says no to you? Then maybe take them at that. It’s a lost art of reading when no means not right now, or maybe even not till were better friends, or no means no, not ever. Maybe you should try being friends with girls with no ulterior motives. I’m not saying don’t be direct towards girls if you like them, but instead I’m saying, don’t be a whiney bitch if they say no, or if the relationship ends.

Now up till now, I’ve pretty much just been a lighter version of the people who think nice guys are just codependent asses in disguise. But I’m going to switch tones here and do a bit of defending for ya.

Okay, now lets be honest girls. A lot of you have those male friends who you tell anything to, all your boyfriend woes, and all of that, and you bring them to the level of what would have used to have been a close personal female friend. I know a lot of you all to some degree find yourselves getting along better with the opposite gender instead of girls. Herein lays a fundamental problem. Aside from the occasional girl who likes girls, you don’t run the risk of having your confidant develop feelings for you other then those of deeper friendship. When you take someone and give them so many levels of trust, for someone who is in the co dependant mindset, and act as an enabler of said co dependencies, the chances of them falling for you increases greatly. Want to be in on the eradication of this behavior? Don’t be an enabler.

People, stop being so god damn fake nice to people. Hurt people’s feelings, get them to go away if their intentions bug the shit out of you. Don’t put up with it. Maybe they will eventually learn that that behavior isn’t what you want.

I’m not saying don’t be friends with guys, but god damnit, don’t let them act like this. Confront them on it, and maybe help reform them.

And for the record nice guys do exist. they just don't whine if you say no, nor do they stop being friends with you if you do. Practice and you can pick between who's a poser and an actual nice guy.

My closing comments to the “Nice guys”
Be yourself.
Love who you are.
If you don’t love yourself, do the world a favor and don’t go trying to date people until you do.
Sensitivity is ok, showing weakness is ok, what is not okay is being a whiney bitch. I’m pretty confident is saying that girls don’t like whiney bitches.
Stop whining in LJ. Grow up. Get over it. It really is as easy as that.

Ok, I’m done ranting…
-Sean

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
penultimateokgo
Jan. 5th, 2005 03:22 am (UTC)
I WILL CRUSH YOUR SOOOOOOUL!!!!

....

wait...

wha....?
mistresschimera
Jan. 5th, 2005 04:19 am (UTC)
Blah..guys are guys. Same as girls are girls....every person has some ulterior motive be it good or bad.

I've never really been one to bitch whether guys are nice or evil..because I have been around, been friends, been involved with almost every kind of guy in the spectrum and can say that guys and girls are BOTH two-faced, double sided whatevers.

...though, I do normally get along better with guys then I do girls...girls are catty bitches at times....guys can brainless dicks, but at least (most of the time) they aren't afraid to tell it like it is.

...no, I take that back...I have bitched that guys can be assholes..on the same note, I bitch that women are bitches.

Fuck..I'm to damn confused at the moment to go on. I'm going to become asexual.
hellbuny
Jan. 5th, 2005 05:18 am (UTC)
but you recognize these facts.. and because of that, you can fight the mornons better ^^
mistresschimera
Jan. 5th, 2005 01:18 pm (UTC)
I'd prefer the morons leave me alone personally..we all know now how I get when it comes to dealing with half wits and the carnage that's left behind in the aftermath....

I think guys have to take the heat too much..what about girls? Are there "nice girls"? Seriously, what defines a "nice girl" is that she has her virginity intact, is good and kind to all of humanity, and bakes cakes for church functions. Oh..and she wear pastel colours.

Fucking sterotypes..every knows that's all bullshit...what makes a nice girl is that she swallows. (old t-shirt/bumper sticker saying from long ago) *sarcasm*

I guess that last part makes me a very nice girl mwahahahahahaha.....
(Deleted comment)
hellbuny
Jan. 5th, 2005 04:54 am (UTC)
wasn't in response to that, and more than one of my friends have thrown that link up... :)
oki_v2
Jan. 5th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
Indeed.

It's rather easier for me at this point to state that I am indeed an arse, rather than claim to be the nice guy.

Because... I am indeed an arse.
docthestampede
Jan. 5th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
For that I'd buy you a drink. ;)
sedesla
Jan. 5th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC)
"People, stop being so god damn fake nice to people. Hurt people’s feelings, get them to go away if their intentions bug the shit out of you. Don’t put up with it. Maybe they will eventually learn that that behavior isn’t what you want."

There's a problem with that though... when a guy says to a girl "Sorry, I'm just not interested, but I would like to remain friends with you." it's embarrassing, sure, but overall that makes him a nice guy for being so honest.

However when a girl says "I'm sorry, I'm not looking for that kind of relationship right now." they become the nasty bitch who's too good for you. Case in point: Joe. I wasn't attracted to him, so I did my best to quickly lay it out that no, I wasn't interested in him that way, but I really wanted to stay friends. What does he do? Spends the next three years hating me for breaking his heart.

I've got a very traditional view on things, but it bugs the shit out of me that you guys tell the truth and you're sensitive, we do the same and we're PMSing bitches.
hellbuny
Jan. 5th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC)
But the but the fundamental problem is that you are looking at it with a grain of sympathy for joe. Forget Joe, Joe's an ass for hating you for 3 years.

You aren't an ass or a PMS'ing bitch. you are only subscribing to societies thought that you are. It's another trick played on you.

Ask what other people think of that who aren't on Joes side. I'm pretty sure they'll call him the ass and not you. And it helps if you don't think your a bitch either, rather that joe is an ass.

Don't let there be a double standard you don't want.
sedesla
Jan. 6th, 2005 05:48 am (UTC)
I feel confused and enlightened at the same time.

I know what you mean. And yes, you're right. The people close to me do harbor a strong dislike for the way he behaves. It's just very hard to ignore how I'm sure everyone views me. I broke poor sensitive Joe's heart.

Eh..
hellbuny
Jan. 6th, 2005 06:14 am (UTC)
no, you decided it didn't work... you stood up for you..

And now you are friends... I say that worked out ok..

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )